what's up LJ.

Jenny I miss you.

Jacki, you sent me an e-mail. A tear rolled down my cheek.

I preach the gospel about these fucking online journals
mind your own buisness talk to the friends around you.

whiskey made me sentimental

so here it is.

LiveJournal? what Livejournal?	Jun. 21st, 2005 @ 05:13 pm

so long so long

I don't want to be connected anymore.

I'll write you an e-mail
or send you a postcard
or totally lose touch

but I'm okay with that
the world is full of people.

I love you all.

goodbye,

mali

now I'm:

calm

listening to: The Minneapolis Public Library

	May. 16th, 2005 @ 04:26 pm

cheer up.

okay- can I leave now?

no. sit down and wait we'll eat in a minute- you want
some food? huh? yeah, you want food.
okay sit down and wait, we're not leaving yet, sit down

h-town h-town
I love you
h-town h-town
ooh ooh ooh.

yeah.

bye bye.

now I'm:

complacent

I think your boring.	May. 13th, 2005 @ 01:40 pm

Woohoo GR! yeah!
so I saw Miranda.
I would have been so nervous before
turns out,
she's not as scary as I remember,
or maybe I'm not so easily intimidated now.
turns out she's just kind of lame and boring.
hiding behind her upturned nose and "fashion sense"
and Sarah was a bitch.
I guess I knew that before though.
other than that I got too drunk too fast
because I was unhappy going into the night
and trying to numb out bar conversation.
I would of instead
liked a quiet night with Jenny or Jacki
just to shoot the shit
just to talk
I don't need to be distracted anymore.
I don't.

I don't ever want to graduate college
I know the arguments
but they sound like bullshit around this part of town
the neighborhood in my head.
I work on different premises.
I've come this far on my own
I don't deal well with authority
and art is sacred space.

I am no fool.
There is much I can learn.

My paintings as of late have, by my own standards, been inspired and I treat them as a craft.
I've been doing well.
When People Become Cars, was coming along nicely...
Cat Rapids, yes Cat Rapids- hell I'll work on it for another year and still love it.
I've decided to paint a Tulip Time poster full of fire hydrants.

I heard a critic complaining that Christo wasn't "real art"

If I ever here someone tell me I won't live up to my potential without going to college I'll call them a hack.

Hack.

(what do you know about art)

I'm a goddamn natural
(oh and just 21 years old)

(you gotta be brash sometimes)

so long so long.

I'll stop.

now I'm:

ha!

	May. 13th, 2005 @ 01:23 pm

hometown

HOME TOWN

is when you realize there are a lot of people you used to know
that aren't doing a damn thing with themselves,
or at least not anything worth noting.

And there are a few more that aren't around.
good for them.

and people keep talking about nothing and
drinking
for lack of something better
or to avoid something better to do.

and it's all bullshit in that long stream of bullshit this country this human race keeps excrementing.

I haven't had to think for a week.

I drew a picture of Goldie Hawn.

if I were the whole of humanity I'd shoot myself in the mouth, loose a good chunk of my skull in the hope that something interesting would happen to me when I decomposed.

What I can't say:
is I want to be a revolutionary
I want to be a thinker
That there's a lot to be said about the human condition and the state of the poor and the state of power and the wonderful mindfuck that is art and music and writing...
like, no shit.

What I can't say is let's talk about the big ideas, outside our shoes and hairdos and groceries and gas.

because, no shit.

to say that much isn't being much of a thinker it's just whiney and I can't handle the sound of my own voice. or yours.

can't we all just be quiet for a while.

please.

Other entries

» here you go...
mali_from_now_on@yahoo.com Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 07:01 pm

» (No Subject)
okay so I clicked on 'update journal' and it bounced away from me... Then I pushed it and it said "processing whinning" April fools is funny Foxtrot, Get Fuzzy, and Pearls Before Swine all had the same comic today. Apr. 1st, 2005 @ 04:26 pm

» (No Subject)

It's Kevin's Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIES SCUM!

teehee.

half way through my second to last day of work.

pow!

raise your hand if you didn't get an email from *coughJackiStearsahem*
which means I don't have your e-mail address.

okay.
I'm done.

wait wait- what should I get Kevin for his Birthday- we don't have extra cash and not a lot of extra time- so cheap and thoughtful? anyone?
And A lot of things will be closed by the time I'm out of work so cheap thoughtful and from a grocery store.
Apr. 1st, 2005 @ 04:13 pm

» learn to write with paper you atrophied son-of-a-bitch.

last night me and kevin set up the tent and had a slumber party in the living room.
We made pizza and had a few beers.

I almost quit my job yesterday.
not because it's not a good job,
but becuase I don't want to work anymore.
and there's that beautiful moment where you can go from
stressed out about your job
to nobody's time but your own

let go let go.

let's go

My house is empty the town seems empty too.
everybody's got somewhere to go
myself included
this morning I woke up with sun coming
through the tent
Today it'll reach eighty degrees

If you squint hard enough I'm already gone.
summer will overtake the whole country and
perhaps I'll follow it all the way
until I wake up in Australia and
realize I didn't miss a thing.

after this I'll write with paper
so somebody can find me when all this is over.

(and livejournal is like some much the weightless rubble of the electronic age...

not soon enough- not soon enough.)

.
Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 10:08 am

» my boss keeps talking about how he wants to die.
green whiskey circus kids wash tub stand-up bass (free association) stomp dancing in the shacks tiny kitchen camp fire good lovin' poured about 1/2 a litre of mix drink out of my day pack. (good thing I spilled all that wax in my bag first so that it's nice and waterproof- how much liquid can YOUR bag hold?) and no hangover. (must of been the good lovin') Mar. 18th, 2005 @ 01:40 pm

» (No Subject)

not much doin here.
I'm sick of my 9-5 more so 9-7 job
paying rent
electric bills
I was not meant to have this kind of life- it has always sat uneasy with me.

6 weeks and 2 days from now I'll be packed and waiting for a train.
It'll be dark and we'll hide until our eastbound ride sidles up.

6 weeks 3 days from now the sun will rise and I won't have to work anymore
I won't have to force a smile for rich white men who think I'm slow and incapable.
I won't have to drivel away my day making small talk of little importance via on-line journal.
But I will have to think about breakfast
and I will have to think about where this train will stop
and how beautiful this section of country is
and how close the mountains are now.

oh how good to be set free.

fuck this town and this existence
I'm gonna be a hobo soon.
Mar. 16th, 2005 @ 11:48 am

» be tough mali be tough.

I hopped a train for the first time last night
down to dominoes to check the dumpsters
but alas they had no yummy pizza

but that's okay because through some freak act of bureaucracy
my foodstamp card got refilled
which is good because we had no food to speak of
except the [excellent] baked beans that kevin made
and some rice

***

I went to Michigan last week.
6 days of Funeral excitement
watching your Aunts and Uncles
the adults in you life
look scared and resentful and lost

but enough of that

and on the upside,
my new lease on life
and the 70 degree weather

***

I threw my shoulder out when
the ferry conducter blew the horn
I jerked forward and my shoulder went first
now I can't put any weight on it.

but the kittens have there eyes open so life's not so bad.
In fact it's pretty nice considering

***

*
Mar. 14th, 2005 @ 11:53 am

» (No Subject)

My grandma died- I'll be sky high soon and visiting Michigan Saturday until Thursday. Family only this time. Funerals. (?)
I don't own anything nice'to wear...
the whole family will be there minus a whole generation.
No more Grandparents.
I guess that makes my parents grandparents and now I'm an adult.
The kids are too young to come- my sister said she's not ready to teach her children that lesson- she's right they're too young yet to understand.
I guess that means I am old enough to learn these lessons
which is true.

She outlasted her husband but none of her children or grandchildren- so that's a blessing.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:49 pm

» Keep in mind I work at an internet shop.

I hate stupidity.
It's way more rampant than it needs to be
This culture of ours just keeps breeding and breeding- stupidity and all

were all taught that we're supposed to be stupid
and a whole lot of people actually fall for it.

Working at a computer store you'd be amazed how often people degrade themselves to me.
(oh I'm stupid I don't get it)
(I'm just an idiot I can't even check my e-mail)

I'd be a little more supportive of the new electronic age if I thought for a minute that the people were behind it.
but obviously there not
and they act stupid because the machines don't run swimmingly like they do on TV

turn off your goddamn TV.
fuck you all I hope it all goes down in flames.
that way you'll have to snap out of it and Survive.
and either realize you're not as inept as culture tells you
or that you are and you maybe shouldn't breed.

Fuck this.

but mostly I'm pissed off that computers have been around for 30 years and you fucking morons can't stop your slack jawed drooling long enough figure out how to check your goddamn e-mail or better yet that it's all a goddamn ploy and you don't really need computers at all.
shit or get off the pot.

fuck!
Feb. 25th, 2005 @ 12:06 pm

» (No Subject)
of course I've always loved video games- in a dark room after hours I won't deny it. but shhh... don't tell my Neo-Luddite Anarchist friends. In other words, I found free on-line versions of Sim-City (the first addition) AND scorched earth. I may never leave work again. This is awesome. Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 02:26 pm

» (No Subject)

aren't we cute?

yes, yes we are.

Whistle, Kevin, Darl, Lorenna and Valerie McSkinnyface the dog.

These are my Nola kids and they're the coolest it was cold we played frisbee.

Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 06:14 pm

» (No Subject)
I want some popcorn rain rain heavy heavy lots of rain welcome to springtime in New Orleans Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 04:00 pm

» (No Subject)
working fucking saturday fucking day off turned into day on fucking cramps on my supposed to be day off fucking saturday work bullshit fucking make me come in on fucking saturday. Feb. 19th, 2005 @ 12:28 pm

» silly Incus...
Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 06:55 pm

» (No Subject)

(continued...)

My father's dad was a preacher and his mother was a sunday school teacher. My father's family is a family of quiet country baptist whose worship of god involves study and simple meditation- Church on Sundays, old hymns, no fire, no brimstone, cookies and ice tea afterwards. I do not practice Christianity but if I did it would be much in the same way that they do. There's a humility and an honesty about it that I respect.
My Grandfather's sermons were calm and thoughtful and to a little kid excrutiatingly long My childhood memories of my Grandparents pretain mostly to a white wooden church and a small house in the country- bird feeders and ceramic cardinals, meals at the table and ice cream bars on the porch.
My Grandfather, a non-smoker, passed away in 1995 of lung cancer. It was hard on my family just as it is with any family that loses a head-of-the-table type Patriarch. Now that My Grandmother seems poised to leave us we will be losing our matriarch and with her the last of the oldest generation. This leaves my Father, the eldest of four, at his mother's deathbed, waiting to clean up the peices and take his place as the elder- the proprietor of history and prosterity.
It's hard living so far from home sometimes- I will miss my grandma's final days and her funeral and more than anything I cannot hug my father to tell him that even though he no longer has his parents he will always have his children.

.
Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 02:53 pm

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